Here we go again.
That was then.
Looking here at my planner, I’ve just realized that for the rest of the semester, we will be driving around town after school for approximately 3.5 hours every day (with breaks). I know this is part of the deal when you have kids, but I worry about all of us getting lost in the shuffle. Last time I thought it was going to happen, we fled the country.
This is not always a practical solution.
And yet, here I am, looking at all the little reminders scratched at the bottom of every single day: ballet, tap, soccer, Lego League, piano, guitar. When winter comes, replace the soccer with gymnastics and swimming. Not to mention, Jim’s been working more than ever. He’s on a project he really loves, but still. Our time together has changed. It will change again when I get absorbed in book business as RUNNING AWAY TO HOME comes out on October 11.
So how do we live in this place where the wheel ruts are so very deep, without getting sucked into that same brainless motion that flings us around in circles every single day? The kids love seeing their friends at soccer. Zadie adores dance (and those little floofy skirts melt my heart). Their other activities are a part of the great education they get at school. Do I pull them out of stuff just so we can spend more time in the yard chatting and watching chickens? That seems dumb. Especially when half that yard talk is me telling them they can’t go inside and watch TV or play vids. Besides, I like sitting through soccer practice. Watching other people exercise is awesome.
I mean, we don’t live in a mountain meadow anymore. Some things were easy to bring back with us from Croatia—recipes, memories, photographs, friendships, history, booze. Some things are much harder to translate back here in America. The hiss of distance in open space. An uncrowded schedule. The slow passage of time.
But you can’t have everything, right? When we lived in Croatia, we were also bored a lot. So there was that. Here, we’re a lot of things, but bored is never one of them. I suppose it will always be this pull. Learning to be vigilant about my family’s time, without being ungrateful for the abundance of options we’ve got. But it does take an effort to figure these things out.
You have to be either here or there, right?
Or do you?
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bev Clark
With the next blink of your eye, they will be teenagers and probably won’t want you around too much, as I remember those days…then they will be in college….you two can run away wherever….meanwhile, having been a soccer mom with foreign exchange students and having had one student who did every activity, I would encourage a middle ground so you can have “both worlds.” Unless Zadie is going to become a professional dancer, one dance activity sounds good and the same for after soccer…instead of 1 + 1 activities… how about just 1? It could rotate from year to year even. Maybe a goal of having just one night a week as a dedicated family night, right up there with your goal of a date night….good luck!
Elizabeth - Letters from a Small State
Maybe you can schedule or create a “Let’s Get Bored” club. Post it on Meetup or something and tell people they can’t bring anything… just meeting to be outside and let the kids “imagine” play. Being “still” and being able to find themselves in their own environment is ALSO an important part of our education. I get you totally on this.
By the way, yesterday the kids had to play outside with no toys (they were still all put away from the storm) and they just had the “outside” to play with and each other. They fought the least they had in a long time and built a stick fort.
Your psyche is telling you something. But I totally get wanting to have things planned. I fear unscheduled time too.
Berit
Yeah, that’s a tough one. Can you live in Des Moines, but with a Mrkopalj state of mind?
jen
All good ideas, too, I love that E-Howard. I like getting outside a lot with the kids, and we got to do that at our leisure this summer. Now that school’s in, our time is much shorter, and the impromptu walk to the cemetery or vacant lot is sort of out of the sked. Berit, that’s exactly right. I think as long as we live in this busy-body place. it’ll always be an issue. (Bev, I wrote that wrong. It’s a ballet/tap combo class, or I’d be running out of my mind!)
Becky
It’s life! What would you be doing if you weren’t doing this? Something else, that’s all. Working, maybe. Or watching TV. Or wondering what it might feel like to have kids